Thursday, December 16, 2010

Scrooge Awakens

It is so good to be feeling happy again. Like the real me is back and participating in life. I feel like I can dance with  Fezziwig . That our arms are linked and I am not just watching. I hope that I continue to feel like this, that it isn't just momentary while my body adjusts to the new meds. Even if it is momentary though, I will bask in the happy and enjoy it while I can. Happy is such a nice feeling.

It is nice to know that even if I slip back into the not so happy for awhile that happiness is still possible. It isn't a shadow that is completely un graspable. Ahh, life feels good again and just in time for Christmas. I am Scrooge, waking up Christmas morning realizing that I have been given another chance. That life is mine for the living and I want to shout from the windows. "I am alive!"

Am I sounding manic? I hope not. I am just so glad that the happiness isn't shallow, it has some depth to it. My laughter is full and doesn't echo with emptiness anymore. The light in my eyes has returned and I can see the world in colors again instead of in black and white.

My best Christmas gift this year? The gift of a listening Dr. and a comforting counselor who helped to bring happiness back into my life. I know that this journey is just beginning and that the path may not always be straight and flat, but I am just glad to finally see that there is a road and that I am on it. At least when you have a road to follow you don't feel quite so lost.

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