………………Chapter One…………………
Ruby walked out onto the front steps and took a deep breath. She watched as her breath formed a cloud in the crisp fall air as she exhaled. The leaves all around her were dying. She took in their bold colors of red, yellow, and orange. It was a beautiful death she thought. A bright yellow leaf fluttered past her in the wind and landed in a puddle. She hoped her death of sorts would be as graceful.
She took in another deep breath and stepped away from her old life and into her new one, suitcase in hand. A bright yellow cab came and drove her away from what had been her life. She refused to look back as she rode. The cab pulled up to the curb of her soon to be home. She opened the door and saw the reflection of yellow from the midst of the watery sidewalk. The symbolism between the cab and the leaf from earlier was not lost on her. It was her own fluttering in the wind, this ride to her future, and now she was near her end; the end of who she was and the way she had learned to be.
She wanted to jump back into the cab and be driven away to anywhere but here, but she knew that this death was necessary. Just as in nature there has to be a death before new growth can occur and if there was one thing she needed more than anything else it was new growth. New life. A resurrection. The old had to die so that new could come and she was ready. At least that is what she told herself.
Once she was settled into her room, Ruby pulled out her journal.
November 1
The leaves are all dying. It seems a fitting farewell. I am terrified of this next chapter, this shedding that I will be doing, because I know that just like the trees I will be laying myself bare. There will be nothing left in which to hide myself behind.
I will be exposed and left naked.
I must remember that I chose this. I chose to come here. This process is necessary. I can do this. I am ready and I am terrified.
A knock came on the door. Ruby closed her journal and placed it in her drawer underneath the underwear.
“Ruby?”
“Yes, I am coming.”
Ruby opened the door to a plump, short, middle aged woman with graying hair. Her name tag said, “Beverley”. She was cheerful and kind as she showed Ruby around the complex on the way to the first session with the person that would be her one-on-one therapist.
“This here, is the dining room. Meal times are posted on the door. If you need a snack between meals they always have a basket of fruit and some other odds and ends in the lounge along with bottles of water.”
Past the dining room was the lounge with all the amenities Beverley had described plus some. From there they went to the front desk where she showed Ruby the signing in and out process for leaving the building. For the first 72 hours Ruby would need to be escorted from building to building and after that she could earn the ability to go unescorted, but she would still need to sign in and out every time she left.
The grounds were lovely. Ruby saw many places that she would want to just sit and take in the beauty once she proved she wasn’t a flight or suicide risk. After a short tour they reached their destination. It was an old ornate building. “This originally was a college that was founded in the early 1900’s.” Beverley told her as she led her through the doors. “I just love all of the old architecture myself.” Ruby, smiled her agreement and then felt her stomach turn to knots as she walked through the large wood framed glass door and inside. Standing before them was the woman who would be the crux and crucible of her time here.
The woman extended her hand as she said, “Hello Ruby! I am Dr. Mary Robins, it is nice to meet you. Are you ready for your first session?”
Ruby gave a nod as she shook the hand before her. Dr. Robins was well dressed and much younger than Ruby had expected, much prettier too.
Ruby turned to Beverley, “Thank you for showing me around.”
“You are more than welcome! I won’t be here when you are done, so I hope you have a good night. See you tomorrow.” And with that she turned and walked away leaving Ruby with the Doctor and a pit in her stomach.
“My office is this way” said Dr. Robins leading the way. As Ruby followed her down the hallway she noticed her shoes and how much she liked them. They were stylish, yet sensible. If cute shoes were any indicator of a person’s personality she figured she was going to like this woman just fine.
Entering the room Ruby took inventory of her surroundings. There was a couch, two armchairs, a desk, and a couple of bookcases. One of the chairs was very definitely meant for the Doctor, the couch was closest to that chair and the other chair was at the other end of the couch, opposite the Dr’s. The bookshelves were lined with books and some personal photos. The walls were painted a cheery shade of tan with a touch of deep burgundy brown. It was the perfect amount of color to give the room a homey feel and make you forget you were at an institution. There was a large mirror behind the couch. Ruby caught a glimpse of herself just long enough to regret it. She may have been good at hiding behind her put together exterior for others, but she could never hide herself from her own reflection and the truth she saw looking back at her. Yes, those eyes of hers may have been a mirror for others to see what it was they wanted to see, but for her they were always a window and she never liked what she saw inside of them. She made a mental note to avoid looking there in the future.
The door shut behind her and she quickly had to decide where she should sit. If she sat in the chair farthest away she would seem stand offish. That would not be a good impression. The spot closest to Dr. Robins seemed too familiar and vulnerable. The middle of the couch would have to do. It would be safe, but not distant.
Once seated the real panic began to set in. What was she doing here? What had she done? This was too much, she was in way over her head! What had she been thinking? She closed her eyes, slid her hands underneath her legs, and took a deep breath, then another.
“Calm down, you can do this.” She told herself, “Today will be simple, she is just going to ask you simple questions. The hard work will come later, today you will be fine.”
Ruby opened her eyes and let them move from the sight of her own feet over to the pair of cute shoes and then up to Dr. Robins eyes. Her face was kind and her eyes held a gentle wisdom.
“Why don’t I start by telling you a little bit about myself first and see if you have any questions for me” said the therapist.
She talked of her educational background, work history, and therapeutic style. Ruby took note of every aspect of the doctor while she listened. The quality of the clothes she wore, the manicured fingernails, the rather large wedding set on her hand. To Ruby she looked like a brown haired therapist Barbie doll, perfectly styled and professional.
Interrupting Ruby’s mental inventory the Dr. asked, “Do you have any questions for me?”
In her own mind she said, “About a thousand!”, but she had no idea what the boundaries or the protocol was of things to ask. She didn’t want to accidentally overstep and then feel the embarrassment and pain of the possible reprimand and awkwardness that would follow. “Only one.” is what she said out loud. “What made you choose this line of work? I have heard most people become therapists, because they are trying to find a way to fix themselves.” She knew the question was rather pointed, but the purpose was to level the ground a little. Ruby knew why she was messed up, but she wanted to know how human her therapist was as well. She needed to hear something that made her a little closer to human, well her kind of a human, imperfect. She needed to know that this woman sitting by her would be able to handle the vile creature she was beneath the surface. Maybe even be able to empathize.
“Well, that is an interesting question.” Dr. Robins took a moment to formulate her answer. “I watched some of my family members struggle with psychological needs who were really helped through therapy and I always grew up knowing that is what I wanted to do.”
That answer was less than satisfying.
“Now, why don’t you tell me about you?” She asked as she picked up a pen and readied herself to write in the notebook that sat in her lap.
“What would you like to know?”
“Whatever it is you think is important to tell me.” Dr. Robins said as she looked at her expectantly.
That question was too broad, too general. She had no idea what she was supposed to find important. She was here to be brave and talk and she had no idea what to say, so she said the first safe and relevant thing that came to mind.
“Well, I am sitting here, so that should tell you something.”
“What should that tell me?”
“That I am broken. A little crazy, maybe. And weak for needing to even sit here.”
“Okay, let’s break that statement down a bit more. What is it that made you broken?”
Ruby pondered this for a moment before answering . “Life? Yes, life. And maybe God.”
“So, if those two things made you broken, what parts of you did they break specifically and how?”
These questions were quickly moving out of the safe zone and into uncomfortable territory, but she made herself answer anyway. “Life broke my will to want to continue living most days. It broke my trust. Life and God both broke my sense of worth. Life has become this thing that I just have to get through until I can finally die. Although, there are moments of happiness, but there is always something lurking in the shadows, just waiting to catch me, bring me down.” Here she had to pause. Here is where the words got tougher to get out and over her lips. “God, well, He created me.” She stopped looking at eyes and stared at the floor. “He created me knowing full well what life was going to give me and He created me anyway. He created me in order to be broken, to be used.” On the word ‘broken’ hot tears burned at the corners of her eyes, “COME ON!” She thought. “What the Hell happened to my simple? My ease into the hard stuff slowly?” Her toes pushed down into her shoes like talons gripping for stability.
“What happened to break your trust and steal your joy? How were you used?”
Those questions went too far. Before the words could even form an answer in her mind the terror came bubbling up. A nauseating pit grew deep in her belly and a sharp clawing feeling scratched at her chest. Just the thought of speaking the reasons out loud had her nails digging into the bottom of her legs. She shook her head “No”. She wasn’t going to answer that. She couldn’t.
Dr. Robins saw her reaction to the question and wrote down a couple of notes while giving Ruby time to form an answer that never came.
“It is okay, we can come back to that later. Why don’t you tell me what you are feeling right now.”
“It is hard to put into words.” Just trying to put emotion into word was difficult. Any words she could find to say felt like a betrayal of trust, a secret that wasn’t supposed to be shared. How does one describe what feels like your insides are being devoured whole when each word to come out of your mouth is equivalent to taking a bite out of your own chest leaving you bloody and raw. She sat blinking and breathing trying to separate herself from the feelings so that she could answer. “Panic. Sheer terror. Torture.” She eventually eked out.
“Those are strong feelings. I would like you to take a few moments to just breathe and then when you are ready you can tell me what makes you say you might be crazy?”
There was much that Ruby could say on that, but not right now, not after all of her internal alarms had been set off. All she wanted to do right now was to close her eyes and make everything around her be gone. She wanted to stand up and leave. Neither of those were an option though. She had come here to battle, to defeat the demons that clawed at her thoughts, but she felt as though she was already losing …failing. Talking had always been hard for her. Writing was the safer option, but a pen can only slay so much.
She looked down at her feet as she spoke slowly, intently. “Sane people don’t beg God to kill them. Sane people don’t need to check themselves into mental institutions. And before you ask, that is what makes me weak. Being here makes me weak, because I can’t figure out how to continue living on my own. I need someone else to help me and that makes me weak. Needing help makes me vulnerable. In my life vulnerability is never safe. Vulnerability IS weakness.”
Dr. Robins looked at Ruby intently, “I don’t see weakness when I look at you.” Ruby looked up into her eyes as she listened. “It took a lot of courage for you to come here. It is very brave to admit you need help and then to find someone that can give you that help. Weakness is nowhere in this room.” She paused for a moment to let the words settle into Ruby’s mind before she asked, “How would you describe this desire within you to both want to live and to die?”
Ruby didn’t even have to think about this one, she already knew the answer. Her whole life she had been living the answer to this question. “It is a war.”
The young Doctor tilted her head slightly and thought for a moment. “Let me ask you this question; how many wars do you know of that are won by a single soldier? You don't have to answer that. In fact I don’t want you to answer it. As we leave here I would like you to think about this, if wars are won by an army, wouldn’t it make sense that a strong soldier would gather other soldiers to help win the battle?”
Ruby let that soak in for the rest of the evening.
……………………..Chapter ?…………………..
Waking before dawn after a fitful night of sleep Ruby quietly dressed in the dark. She was careful not to wake her roommates as she slipped her journal from the drawer and went to find a quiet spot where she could write and think. She chose a comfortable chair that faced a large window in the lounge, sat down, pulled her feet up underneath her, and opened her journal. She looked at the blank page before her unsure of what to write. She raised her eyes to the dark window. Her dim reflection looked back at her. She didn’t see a battle ready warrior, she saw a frightened child, one who knew how to hide much better than she knew how to be seen and one who knew even less on how to fight the scratching and clawing she felt within her. She sighed at the dirty sad little girl that stared back at her. It was she that had to die here. It was she who held all the hurts and the sadness. Ruby, put pen to paper.
November 2
I see you little girl. I see you every time I look in the mirror or see my reflection. I see your sad eyes, the way they hurt, and the fear within them. I don’t want to see you anymore. I can’t. You are ruining my life, you are keeping me from wanting to live. All I can hear are your cries at night and all I can feel is your terror. I don't know how to heal you and free you from the prison that you have built up within me. I am here to rid myself of you. I am so tired of hurting and not knowing how to stop it. I don’t want to die. I don’t. But I don’t want to live with you anymore either. It is you who I want to die. But to kill you is to kill me. I hate that you are a part of me. I hate that you weren’t strong enough to protect yourself, to protect me, and now I live with your weakness and your oozing scars. You bring me shame. You make me dirty. When I look at you all I see is dirt. I want you gone, but you have locked yourself up within me, behind a door I don’t know how to open. A door I am afraid to open, because you locked all the monsters up in there with you. I hear those monsters scratching at the door; scratch, scratch, scratching. To open that door is to let all of you out and if I let you out I won’t know how to be me. I will be you, lost in the memories I don’t want to remember, the emotions, the terror. You with all your anger and your sadness will be loosed along with the monsters and I will be suffocated in the process. I can feel it even as I write. I can feel the splintering wood of that door you reside behind. Pieces of you and them leaking through.
Ruby stopped writing and closed her eyes. The emotions that were rising up inside of her were threatening to take over. She slowed her breathing, froze all movements and began to calm her racing heart. She imagined a white nothingness surrounding her. No corners for things to hide in, just white light that surrounded her until she disappeared within it. The only sound was her breathing. She emptied herself of all emotions, all thought, and buried herself in the white of her mind. It stopped the rising flood…..for now. She opened her eyes and looked out the window and let her mind go to that day not too long ago, the day that brought her to end up here.
She had gone looking for help, looking for someone to tell her that she was going to be okay. She had asked what she should do if death’s call became too loud for her to ignore, where should she go, who could she call? She knew that hospitals were supposed to be safe, but experience had told her that they weren’t. Death would be better than being left sitting in a hallway alone with people staring. Death would be better than being told you were wasting their time with your hurting. The person she had asked told her that there were no guarantees of being treated well and with respect and practically begged Ruby to seek counseling. The speaker had no idea how hard it was for her to put word on top of word when eyes were watching or how her heart sank with each passing moment. She had gone there searching for a hero and for rescue, but instead she had found neither, only honest answers that left her feeling worse than when she had come. She appreciated the honesty, but she needed more. She needed a refuge from herself, but instead left that meeting feeling more lonely, hurt, and desperate than she had ever felt before.
After she left the building she walked over to the rail that overlooked the ground several stories below. Holding the rail tightly in her hands she stared at the concrete, trees, and shrubs, it seemed as if they were speaking to her: “Jump into our arms,” they whispered, “we can bring you help. We can silence the ache.” Tears fell from her eyes as she gripped the rail tighter and stepped closer to it. She had been so tempted to join them, to land in their prickly arms. As she was about to begin her climb she saw a man below who stood looking up at her. When their eyes met, he saw into her and she was truly seen, past the typical mirror looking back and into the window of her. It was enough to quiet the whispers and she walked away that day and back into her life.
Ruby looked out the window where the sky was turning from black to gray and went back to her writing.
It was you he saw at the rail that day little girl, it was you that had me standing there. It is you who leaves me feeling weak and needy. I need help killing you. I am sure that I will be told that I can’t kill you, that I need to learn how to blend you and I - the me I would be without you - together, so that I can become one whole person instead of two separate beings.
Dawn was approaching. She watched as the light revealed the beauty on the other side of the window. Beauty that had been hidden in the dark shadows of night. The sun crept over the manicured lawns, walking paths, pond, and fountains. There was a large oak tree that stood tall and ancient. It had stood its ground long before any of these buildings. It had watched many nights come and go and still stood waiting for the dawn of each new day.
.....................chapter ?......................
Ruby’s breath became shallow and quick, her eyes glazed over, her ears stopped working, and her eyelids began feeling heavy making her fight to stay awake. Her internal defenses were triggered. She was asked to let the little girl in her speak and to speak back to her.
The problem was she never knew which girl would show up. There were three that she knew of. One couldn’t even talk, she was too young, she was all emotion and darkness who only wanted to go home to a home that Ruby could never find. The other was older by a few years, but had hidden so long and so well that it was hard to hear what she had to say, she only came out in pieces. Horrid, humiliating pieces. The third was double the age of the last with full memories of what happened and a lot of shame. Ruby could tolerate the last one best, but she rarely showed up now that the younger ones became known.
Dr. Robins had invited the little girl to the room and the two youngest accepted her invitation. They joined hands and played ring-around-the-rosie in Ruby’s mind, swirling emotions and memories around and around, but Ruby was the only one who was “falling down”, shutting off.
“Ruby? Ruby! Where are you? What are you seeing?”
Ruby couldn’t hear her. Dr. Robins scootched forward in her seat and touched Ruby’s knee lightly, “Ruby, focus on my voice.” Oh how she wished in that moment that she could view what Ruby was seeing like a projector on the wall.
There had been many “Ruby’s” who had sat in this spot, women who had been hurt by others as a child, who felt shame at who they were and what had happened. Each story was their own, each one different, yet similar in the blame they gave themselves for what had happened and the effects an other’s actions had on their lives. Mary ached for all of them and had to work hard not to become overwhelmed with her own empathy for them. Her job was important life changing work, but there were many difficult days. Days when she had to fight to not become a secondary victim of those who had abused her clients. Having a heart for the hurting meant that her heart was often left hurting as well. She herself had never experienced the pain of abuse, but she saw the devastation that was left in its wake daily and she knew that more than her empathy these women needed a guide to help them out of the darkness the abuse had trapped them in. That is why she showed up every day. That is why prayer was never far from her thoughts. When she became lost on where to go next she prayed for God to lead her. Ruby kept her praying more often than not. Something inside of Ruby kept her deeply trapped. Just when Mary thought she had helped unlock the door to freedom another lock would show up causing her to question her abilities as a therapist.
........................chapter ?...............................
Tears streamed down Ruby’s face. They were hot and blinding and she could feel it coming — a cry so ugly and guttural that typically only death can bring it out of a person — she wouldn’t be able to stop it. She ran from the room as hard and as fast as she could. She needed to find a place to not be seen or be heard. She didn’t need eyes or ears today. This was her funeral and she didn’t want anyone in attendance. She would prefer to die the way she lived, alone.
The footsteps behind her told her that she would not be left alone. She collapsed underneath a Willow tree that was behind some shrubbery. It was the most sacred and semi private place she could find quickly. She sobbed in fetal position at the foot of that tree. Every tear, every hurt, every bad and hidden memory came pouring out of her. It was loud and uncontrolled — a death wail. “Actual dying has to be easier than what this is” she lamented as snot ran down her face intermingling with the tears and dirt.
This moment is why she had run from herself for years. How would she ever be okay after this? She had come to kill the little girl and now the little girl had been loosed with the monsters and here she lay dying instead. All the walls and locks she had carefully crafted over the years came crumbling down and she was caught in the rubble.
She could feel the presence of another sitting quietly next to her. She resented the person for being there, because they would only ever be able to be half there. All they could witness was the shameful external effects of the pain she was living internally. They would never be able to fully enter into the pain with her. She angled her body away from them slightly. The person reached out and put their hand on her shoulder and she recoiled at the touch.
“DON’T TOUCH ME! DON’T YOU DARE FUCKING TOUCH ME!” She shrieked as the fear and sadness was replaced with anger.
The person went to speak and Ruby wouldn’t let her.
“SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! DON’T EVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN! I AM DONE HERE! I AM DONE WITH YOU!”
Ruby tried to crawl and claw herself away to a half running, half staggering escape, but she was blinded by her emotions and utterly exhausted from it all that she fell headlong into a heap onto the ground and more than anything she wished that she could sink into it.
Dr. Robins knew that it was her words and prodding that forged the keys to unlock the door Ruby had kept locked tight for all of these years. She had helped the monsters to escape and now Ruby lay there facing them. It was necessary for Ruby to face them and herself in order for her to get to a place of wholeness, but the process is never an easy one. Ruby was the first patient she had ever had run. Sure others had stormed out and slammed the door, some yelled and screamed, she had seen people hide under furniture even, but to run like their life depended on it like the women getting chased in a horror film, never.
Others had noticed the terrified woman running into the bushes as well. A crowd was starting to gather on the other side of the shrubs. A well meaning aid came close carrying a means to help calm the situation. Dr. Robins shook her head no and motioned for him to go with her hand, but then thought better of it and signaled for him to wait a moment. She put her finger to her lips to keep him quiet and then waved him over. He knelt down beside her and she pantomimed writing on a pad to see if he had a notebook she could write on. He produced a small memo pad and a pen from his pocket. She wrote something on the pad and sent him on his way along with everyone else.
The smell of earth and taste of dirt on her lips kept Ruby’s mind somewhat grounded in reality, but not much of it. A little piece of her mind knew where she was, but the rest was re-living a nightmare. The monsters that had been hidden all these years were circling her, throwing her back in time. They were laughing at her, turning her innocent curiosity into something dirty and to be mocked. She tried to hide from them behind a pillar, not to let them see her, but they did and they were laughing. The monster who was still damp from the shower and wrapped in a towel laughed and looked towards the other, “She doesn’t think I can see her.”
Earth scent suddenly was replaced with the smell of a man. The taste on her lips was no longer dirt, but a strong mix of soap and cologne. It reached deep down her throat and the monsters kept laughing and the memories kept coming and she was trapped in them, living them all over again.
Dr. Robins stayed beside her runaway patient and watched as her body was reacting to another time and place. It was hard to watch and harder to listen to as Ruby made gagging sounds and called out for her Mommy in a voice that gave away clues as to the age she was trapped in. She didn’t want to leave her in this space for long, but she had to be careful how she brought Ruby back to the present. The years of psychiatric training kept her head clear, but her mother’s heart ached for Ruby. Sitting there under that tree where horror and healing were colliding she was more Mary than Doctor. She thought of her own daughter and the way she would call out for “Mommy” and how she would die inside to hear her own flesh and blood calling out for her like that in agony and sheer terror. She prayed as she often had while working with Ruby, “Lord, please just give me what she needs right now. Let me be your hands and heart in this moment. Give me the right words. Help me to help her.”
Leaning down on one elbow the Mary in Dr. Robins gently spoke into Ruby’s ear while her free hand tenderly rested on her shoulder. “Ruby,” her voice was low and gentle. “Ruby, you are okay. You are safe. No one is going to hurt you. I am here with you and you are safe. You need to take a deep breath and open your eyes.”
Ruby heard her voice in the background of her thoughts and she latched onto it like a lifeline. Reality was gradually beginning to take back her mind.
On the other side of the shrubs the aid was back with a wheelchair and a blanket and pillow from Ruby’s room.
Ruby opened her eyes. The sky was starting to turn into pinks and purples as the sun hung low just above the horizon. She sat halfway up, letting her hair fall around her face. She couldn’t bear to face the woman who had stayed with her and witnessed this death she was living in. The death of a childhood she had remembered vs. the reality of what her mind had kept hidden. Hidden secrets that had made her who she was without ever fully knowing the why, like a bookshelf that had opened up into a secret room of horrors.
“Ruby,” the hand pressed down on her shoulder to help her stay grounded and in the moment. “It is time to go back to your room.”
“I can’t. Please, just leave me here. I can’t face anyone, especially not you.” Her voice was quiet and pleading.
“There is nothing to be ashamed of. I am sure you are exhausted. I have a wheelchair for you and you can cover as much of yourself with a blanket as you want to, if that will help you feel more comfortable.”
“I am sorry. I am so sorry for the things I said to you.”
“I know. We can talk about it tomorrow. Come on, let’s go back now.”
Without looking up Ruby made her way to the wheelchair and sat down. She pushed the pillow as close to her body as she could and pulled the blanket up under her nose. It smelled like Tide and sunshine. It was a comforting scent.
…………………Chapter ?…………………
Warm water washed over her body as she stood underneath the shower head. She stood there watching the dirt swirl down the drain and disappear. No matter how hard she stared at the drain her memories wouldn’t mix with the dirt, they just kept swirling through her mind, and as the last bit of dirt swirled away her ability to avoid the emotions that went with the memories went down the drain with it. The emotions washed over her and she sank down into the bathtub. Every negative emotion that one could feel pelted her along with the water: sadness, anger, fear, terror, heartache, loneliness, want, hurt, pain, and more. She could not hold them down any longer. She had held them for far too long. The voice in her head emulated that of Dr. Robins, “Can you name them? You cannot fight nor embrace that which doesn’t have a name. Giving them a name gives you the power, not them. Find your power, Ruby. Name them.”
Ruby rubbed the snot, tears, and water from her face and pushed the hair out of her eyes, a spark of fight beginning to gleam in them.
“FEAR” she whispered. “I am taking my power back. I acknowledge you, but you will no longer control me and make me run.” She thought of the motivational poster she had seen on a wall. “No longer will I try to Forget Everything And Run. I will allow myself to Feel Everything And Rise.”
As she went through the list of emotions coursing through her and naming each of them her voice and the belief in the words she was saying became stronger causing their hold on her to grow weaker.
Then she rose.
If her experience under the willow tree had been the death of who she had been then this was her resurrection—a baptism— a parting of her old ways of merely surviving into a rising up to a new life of thriving. She was ready to name the reality of what her past had been. Ready to name it and fight what needed fighting and to embrace what needed embracing. When Ruby turned the water on that evening she was a casualty of the war that raged within her. Now as she turned the water off she was emerging as a warrior ready to battle. She knew the battle was just beginning, but now she could fully see her enemy and she was ready to face it full on.
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I love this! It’s haunting and it resonates.
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