I have had a lot of changes, really good changes, taking place inside of me. God has been working hard putting my broken shards into just the right places, but there are still some days when I am a bit of a mess. Today is one of them.
God has laid on my heart that there is more work that needs to be done. More things to remember and understand. As those things start to surface it leaves me messy. I am not fearful of the memories anymore, but they sure do leave me tearful.
He is also impressing on me that I am to start sharing my words with real people. People whose eyes I have to look into and whose eyes look into mine. Every time I have done just that old tapes start to play in my head telling me that now I have done it, I have shared too much, and they will be offended/ disgusted by my being. I share and then I regret it, want to take it back. He is showing me through this that my tapes are liars. With each share I am learning that He is placing people in my life that I can trust to hold my heart and my eyes with care.
My little fledgling of trust is still timid. It is still learning, but it's wings are stretching, and like most fledglings it is a bit uncoordinated and messy.