I am feeling very sad and empty this morning and I am not sure why that is. I just wish I could break this sadness. Maybe I am supposed to be sad today. Really, God, I just want to climb up in Your lap and cry. I am not even sure what it is I want to cry about.
I have been putting myself out there and being vulnerable and maybe that is what is causing the empty feeling. Maybe that feeling is more of a vulnerability than an emptiness.
Lord, please tell me what it is You want me to hear.
"Oh, My daughter!"
*I lean my head into Your chest and pull my knees up to my own as I burrow into Your lap. Your strong arms gather me into You. You lean Your forehead down and rest it atop my head as You breathe in my child scent.*
"My beautiful, beloved daughter!"
You say not much louder than a whisper.
"This little girl inside of you who feels so empty, who longs for love, who aches for acceptance and safety; the one you don't know how to quiet or fulfill, this little girl who has you climbing into My lap; I am enough for her and for you.
Feel my arms of protection wrapped tight around you. Listen to my heart that beats for you. Breathe in deep my sweet scent of peace, let it fill your lungs. Oh little one, know Me, rest in Me, and let the knowledge of who I am fill all of these aching empty spaces. May that raw open feeling of vulnerability be replaced with the security of knowing just how securely You are held in My hands."
*Long held tears empty themselves out, wetting His robe that lies beneath my head. I clutch the fabric and press it to my face.*
Oh, God, this is where I should have been all along, all those times I was searching for comfort and fulfillment. All those times I went out trying to quiet the emptiness in the wrong arms, in the places the world said fulfillment lays, help me to come back here when the past rises and the vulnerability comes. The times I feel empty help me to remember this moment, this holding. Help me to know that Your lap is always waiting.
*My bitter tears of the pasts hurts and harms empty out and soak into His garments and there bitterness turns to sweet. Emptiness and vulnerability exchanged with fullness and safety. I am known and I am loved. He kisses my head as I get up to face the rest of the day. He is more than enough to fill.*
See what great love the Father has lavished on us,
that we should be called children of God!
And that is what we are!
1 John 3:1 NIV