I need a reset.
It started off nicely. My 11 year old brought me two donuts and some iced pink lemonade at 6:30 in the morning, staring at the back of my head until I rolled over and looked to see who was breathing down my neck.
I took my thyroid pill and got into the tub. Found a place on the internet that I wanted to go after church for a picnic with my family. Was in a really good mood.
Went downstairs to the kitchen I had left clean the night before when I went out to the movies with some ladies from church. No longer clean, but I am going to have a good attitude anyways. Start filling up water bottles with ice and water. Where are the water bottles I JUST washed yesterday? No one seems to know.
Go upstairs to help littles find their clothes for the day. Their room, is a mess. Walk by the kids bathroom, the one I spent an hour deep deep cleaning not that long ago. It is trashed.
TOTAL MOMMY MELT DOWN!!!!!!!
I had told them to clean the upstairs yesterday, banished them upstairs until it was done while I cleaned up the downstairs that they had destroyed that morning, the one I had spent two hours getting deep cleaned the day before.
They all swore it was done. I was busy and took them at their word. My mistake.
I lost it! I am still seething.
Thought about driving away and leaving everyone.
I didn't/don't want to go to church with them, I don't want to sit in the van with them, I don't want to go to the cool castle park with them. I don't want to spend time making a billion peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to take on the picnic with us. I want to just walk away and leave them to their messes.
My melt down set the mood for husband's melt down and all the big eyes and tears that followed.
We need a reset.
We should be leaving for church right now.
I am trying to breathe and pray through the seething.
This Mom gig is hard and frustrating and I don't know how the good Mom's do it.
I wonder if Mary ever lost it.
My son literally just brought me his mother's day gift. He wasn't here for the LOSING IT, since he spent the night at a friend's house.
It is a travel mug with a poem on it.
Only One Mother
Hundreds of fish in the sea,
Hundreds of birds flying by,
Hundreds of hugs you give to me,
Hundreds of clouds up so high,
Hundreds of things you need like a bus,
Hundreds of planes in the sky,
Hundreds of loads of laundry you do for all of us,
But only one Mother to hug me good-bye.
Sigh. Reset button pushed. It is time to celebrate being a Mom; mediocre, good, or otherwise. I am a Mom and my kids only one. Time to celebrate.