Being completely honest about your innermost self is completely scary! Down right terrifying actually. It is like tearing the band-aid off of an open wound and seeing if the person you show it to is going to put soothing ointment on it, inflict more harm to it, or do neither and just walk away.
I have spent a good deal of time in my life carefully and strategically placing bandages. Trying to make them blend in with my whole and un-hurt skin.
Occassionally I have run across a bandage I forgot about. Tenderly I've lifted the edges to find that soft pink skin has replaced the wound. The hurt of sharing and remembering is brief as I rip that bandage away. It's covering had provided the needed protection and allowed the time neccessary for growth and renewal.
Other wounds though, they are much deeper. No amount of covering and time can make them heal. These are the ones that grow and fester. I want to share them. I want for someone to help me heal them. To help me make them better. But time and experience has shown me that opening these wounds up for others is sometimes almost to painful to bear. The skin is raw and tender. It hurts to touch these band-aids, let alone to peel them away. I try and choose who gets to see these wounds wisely for I fear of their reaction.
If they choose to do nothing, simply stare and walk away, I am left with wound wide open, the searing pain the fresh air is bringing, and to once again blend band-aid in with skin on my own.
If they choose to cause more pain then I am left with a wound that is deeper and more raw than before. I will have to apply a stronger adhesive for this won't be shared again any time soon.
If they choose to be a healer, I almost fear this most of all. All the bad and infected areas must be scraped away before soothing ointment can be applied. I have to trust that they will know just how far to scrape and how hard to push. I have to trust that when the scraping is done that they will stay and gently apply the ointment that allows healing to begin.
Honesty is terrifying, because it involves trust, and trust is not something that is easily given or earned.