Friday, January 3, 2014

Waiting for answers: an update after my CAT scan

I am still waiting.  For answers that is.  I received the results from the CAT scan and they were inconclusive.  The lump they were scanning for didn't show up, so my ENT thinks my bone grew differently than the same bone on the other side.  It did show the lumpy lymph node in my neck and the nodule in my thyroid. 

My ENT sent me to get a biopsy of both of those.  I did that on New Year's Eve (yes, I really know how to party people!)  They took three fine needle biopsies on each area with an ultrasound assist.  The lymph node didn't seem to mind too much and had minimal swelling after.  The thyroid, on the other hand, was super angry about the whole ordeal and swelled up quite a bit and voiced its anger for about 48 hours afterwards. 

Between the CAT scan and the biopsies I also saw my regular doctor and he ran a series of blood tests.  I am still waiting to hear back about any of those results along with the biopsy results. 

It is a strange place to be when your body has been wreaking havoc and throwing parties (that you haven't authorized) off and on for the last three years.

Hearing that something is wrong, anything is wrong, would be welcome.  Hearing that nothing is wrong just makes you feel crazy. 

Because I went through such a severe depression three years ago I feel like the doctors just figured that it was the cause of my medical issues.  I have told myself and my brain many times that if it is my brain causing all of this turmoil that it could kindly stop now. 

It is a strange place to be when you are jealous of others who go to the doctor and get diagnosed with something. 

You are grateful in a way that they can find "nothing" is wrong, but you live in this juxtaposed position of knowing that something is wrong even if it isn't showing up.

It seems that juxtaposed is a position that I live in many aspects of my life. 

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