Saturday, November 27, 2010

Escaping Repunzel's Tower

Our family went and saw the movie "Tangled" tonight.  It was really cute.  Surprisingly, I found a bit of myself in the character of Repunzel.  I could relate to being locked in a tower, afraid to leave, but not wanting to stay.  Unlike Repunzel though, my captivity is of my own making.  My walls aren't made of mortar and bricks like hers were they are walls that I have made from years of silence.  Carefully I have laid brick on top of brick to keep myself safe and locked away.  An unknown heart can't be rejected.

I don't have hair to let down and escape my towers with, but I have words.  I have words that need saying and writing sets them free.  For years I would hold a pen to paper and nothing would come.  It is like I was looking out the window of my tower and waiting for my hair to grow before I could escape.  So, now I sit with pen in hand - tossing my hair out the window if you will.

At this point in the movie as Repunzel slid down her hair she paused.  She paused just inches away from freedom.  It wasn't enough for her to slide down her hair, she had to go beyond that and set her feet on unfamiliar ground.  She had to let her toes meet and mingle with what the earth had to offer.

I, too, am dangling inches from freedom.  Holding tight to the escape of written word.  Words that are said in writing can only go so far though.  My "earth" is that of speaking and being heard.  I need to let my voice meet and mingle and see what listening ears might have to offer.

My time for isolation is over.  I need to drop into the unfamiliar and set myself free - words made with sound behind them.

In many ways, Repunzel was her own hero.  It was her hair that set her free and her courage that gave her strength to touch the ground.  She wasn't alone though, she didn't do it on her own.  Being a Disney movie she had her little constant companion.  Interestingly it was a chameleon.   It could change colors to reflect its surroundings.   Along with her companion she also had a guide to help her travel this unfamiliar road. 

I am wanting a hero, but I think that I am going to have to be my own heroine.  It is going to be my voice and my voice alone that can rescue me.  I don't have to do it alone though.  I prayed for God to send me a guide.  Someone to help me navigate this strange new tower-less world I am entering.  In many ways, I guess I could say that you all are my companion.  You match your support for what my surroundings need at the moment.  You are here to cheer me on and help give me the strength to keep on going. I also think that my new counselor will help to be my guide.  I think she will be the one to help me find my way "home"* and keep me from getting lost in the woods along the way.

It is still hard for me to talk.  I still struggle with "putting word on top of word with eyes that are looking"**, but I have a plan.  I have bought a microphone and I am going to start recording myself reading my blogs.  I am going to try and familiarize myself with my words being spoken.  Hopefully this will stop the words from getting frozen in my throat as I sit and look into eyes.  I am ready to escape from Repunzel's Tower.
*Ripping Away the Band-aids Part One
**Ripping Away the Band-aids Part Two, Section B


  1. Please keep putting "pen to paper"! Your words are amazing and though I am so sorry for your struggles and your past (and pray for you each and every time I read your posts), I can only stop and envy your ability to put your thoughts to paper.You capture the true feelings and emotions of every day struggles and the struggles of our pasts becoming part of who we become. THANK YOU and PLEASE don't stop. . .

  2. I couldn't help but almost constantly think of how you must have been "connecting" with the move "Tangled" as it was unfolding. I also was hoping it would give you a feeling of freedom if you were identifying with Rapunzel's freedom and she ventured away from her captivity and chose to choose freedom instead of the familiar and "safe" captivity because it was all she had known and was familiar with. I am so happy you are able to write and share and thereby enable yourself increasing freedom from you OTHER IMPOSED IMPRISONMENT because of what those who chose to act on their evil deires. Your Dad and I are soooooo proud of you and so pleased you have mustered up the courage to seek councelling. I think it an extremely effective sound idea to read and record your blogs to help enable yourself to unlock your words.
    !!!!!!!!WE LOVE YOU SOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
    p.s. Sweetheart, do you ever find yourself being angry at your Dad and I for not protecting you from your persecutors?


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