I was reading this awesome Blogger the other day and one of her posts talked about the question "what do you do?" and the way it is really a question that looks to define the answerer. My pat answer is always, "I am a Mom." If people dig deeper though and ask me about who I am, that is when the answers get uncomfortable and become like a boxing match in my mind trying to find the definitions.
I can easily define my absolutes for you: I am wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, woman, Mom, etc. Those are simple descriptions of me that are un-altering. There are no gray areas there. It is the definitions that I put upon myself that are harder for me to grasp hold of.
I am always amazed when I read about a person who can easily put into their own words a definition of themself. I am a _________ (writer, decorater, theologian, musician, artist, etc) I am kind of in awe of that ability. I am a "Jack of all trades, but master of none" kind of a person. To proclaim that I am something other than the absolutes means that I feel that I am good at those things and my ability is worth mentioning. That is where the boxing matches begin. I will tell you things I like to do, but as I say it my brain starts its elusive footwork. "Hey," it says, "you just said you liked to bake, better watch out, you might make something someday that is less than delicious. You don't want them thinking you are a baker for heaven's sake." And so I side step that definition. I will clarify that I am not that good or it is just a hobby really, because God forbid my baking might disappoint you someday. With each thing it is the same fancy side stepping footwork and dodging punches that might someday come. "He will think your painting stinks, don't call yourself an artist." "She will find your writing nothing more than self satisfying drivel, so don't even think to call yourself a writer." Then add in the jabs I give myself, "Don't call yourself a cookie/cake decorator, there are so many others who do it way better than you! Don't you remeber that time and that fiasco and that one which proves you aren't very good?!" And on and on it goes. Round after bloodying round.
Enough. Seriously. I hate boxing. It is pointless to me. The beating up of another person for nothing more than sport and yet here I am day after day doing the same thing to myself. So I say enough. Enough to the side stepping and the jabbing and the punches. I am the absolutes AND the gray areas. I am, even if someone else does it better. I am, because I say I am. My definitions aren't dependent upon others perceptions.
So who am I?
|I am Mother|
|I am wife|
|I am friend and Sister|
|Sister in law once removed(SIL's sister) and Sister in law|
But I am also:
|Royal icing sugar cookie decorator|
|Buttercream sugar cookie decorator|
and yes, even a Writer