The other night I stayed up until 7:30 in the morning. There was no reason for me to stay up so late other than I just wasn't really tired until then. I slept for an hour before I was awakened by a phone call at 8:30. During that hour I had the strangest dream.
I dreamt that I was part of a Nazi experiment of sorts. We were at a school or some such building and we lived there and couldn't leave. It was me, a large black man, and Jews. The black man and I were trying to help the Jew escape as well as ourselves. The gist of my dream was everytime we thought we were going to escape and be free the Nazi's were waiting on the other side and would put us back into captivity. Eventually the Nazi's were defeated and as the details get sketchy these are the parts I remember. They unlocked all the doors and most of the prisoners wouldn't leave. They figured it was a trick and that they would just be caught again. They didn't believe that they could really be freed from their prison cells. I can remember the Nazi's that were left laughing, because their experiment had worked.
The other part that I remember is that the Nazi's had to serve the Jews a dinner as a sort of apology for keeping them prisoner. What did they choose to serve? Pork chops. Dreams are so funny.
When I first woke up from this dream I just laughed at its absurdity, but then I got to thinking about it on a deeper level.
I think I have felt trapped in my own prison, and every time I have tried to escape it on my own means I end up right back in my cell. Now I am at the cusp of freedom, the cell doors are open and waiting for me to walk through them and be truly free and I am worried that the freedom won't be real, that I will just end up back in my cell again.
The pork chops, well that could just be the silliness of the dream world, or it could be the fear that victory will be unsatisfying. I will be free yet I won't be able to eat of the victor's dinner for whatever reason that might be. Maybe what I am searching for will end up not being possible. I will be free, but stay un-satisfied.
Or maybe I am over analyzing the crazy dreams of a sleep deprived woman whose husband watches too many world war 2 documentaries. =)