And I ran, I ran with my eyes wide shut. Shutting out the truth, opening wide for the wanted. And I ran hard and fast. Looking for something that wasn't there. Hoping to find what I thought I needed. My eyes wide shut. I stood up and I ran down the path of the prodigal. Running fast, not looking back. Not wanting to hear the calls of the One who loves.
I am angry and so I run. I am angry with who I am, who I have become, who I have been made to be, how I was used, how it was allowed, how I hurt. I am angry with God, life, myself, the world, the pain, the numbness and so I run. Feet pounding, heart racing, feeling alive and wanting to die all mixed up with the sweat of my brow.
I run so fast, so far, pounding the ground with my feet, leaving footprints where I trod. "Who am I?" I cry with eyes wide shut. I run looking for answers, looking for freedom, looking for something to make me stop. To make everything stop. I run until I am lost. Lost deep in the nothingness of what is and what was. It is all nothing and for nothing, and I have become nothing.
Wow. You will never be nothing. Saying a little prayer for you...
ReplyDeleteThis may sound trite but I wish I could hug you better. I will be praying for you today, dear, dear, precious Karmen. I am asking Him to run swiftly by your side.
ReplyDeletemy beautiful karmen... even though your eyes are wide shut, God sees you, all of you, and he will never ever stop loving what he sees... you are so lovely in his sight. i pray you know this, dear sister. xo
ReplyDeleteYou never have been and you never will be nothing. You are a precious child of God, and He has not given up on you. "For what can separate us from the love of Christ".... - nothing...You are loved by God and many, many people. I love you.
ReplyDelete