And I ran, I ran with my eyes wide shut. Shutting out the truth, opening wide for the wanted. And I ran hard and fast. Looking for something that wasn't there. Hoping to find what I thought I needed. My eyes wide shut. I stood up and I ran down the path of the prodigal. Running fast, not looking back. Not wanting to hear the calls of the One who loves.
I am angry and so I run. I am angry with who I am, who I have become, who I have been made to be, how I was used, how it was allowed, how I hurt. I am angry with God, life, myself, the world, the pain, the numbness and so I run. Feet pounding, heart racing, feeling alive and wanting to die all mixed up with the sweat of my brow.
I run so fast, so far, pounding the ground with my feet, leaving footprints where I trod. "Who am I?" I cry with eyes wide shut. I run looking for answers, looking for freedom, looking for something to make me stop. To make everything stop. I run until I am lost. Lost deep in the nothingness of what is and what was. It is all nothing and for nothing, and I have become nothing.