Wednesday, May 1, 2013

The Hard Goodbye

Today was a day of goodbyes. 
 I couldn't let myself really sink into the goodbye's too deeply or I wouldn't have been able to move on to the next. 
 It started with my last visit to the hospital where my boys receive their therapies once a week. 
We go two different days a week for 3 different boys. 
 One of the secretaries I have been chit chatting casual conversations with for the last 9 years.  Knowing that I would not be walking into that waiting room again was hard enough, but when I left there I went to my hardest goodbye......
The hard goodbye that leaves me tear soaked and childlike.
  The one that emotionally has my child me clinging to legs and begging to stay while the rational me pulls that clinging child away.
 It was a very hard goodbye. 
 I couldn't let myself sink completely into it while I was there. 
 Now that it is 7 hours later the depth of it is washing over me. 
 I want to run back in time and say more, feel more, be more, but there is no running back into time; 
  no re-opening that door and clinging to legs for one more moment.

So I will breathe and lay back into it, try to float above these lapping waves of sadness so that they don't over take me. 
I know that the sun will rise tomorrow and that the hurting child will calm and somehow learn to grow. 
But for now I will let her and I ride on these emotions,
because if I don't we both might drown.

Linking with


  1. Hi! I'm visiting from IP. I found myself riding the waves of emotion with you. But, now, I want to know more of your story. :)

    1. I am glad you are here Elizabeth. You are more than welcome to browse around and read more about me and my story. =) A good place to start would be with my bandaid blogs. Here is the link for the first one for you.

    2. Elizabeth me too, I want to know more... Karmen I am heading to your bandaid blogs :)

      I have been there this last year, saying the good-byes that make you feel like you are drowning... I just wanted you to know I know!

  2. Oh. Dear friend. My heart hurts with you reading this. I'm sorry there were so many goodbyes today, and such hard ones at that. I'm praying you will know - and feel - you are held and rocked as you ride these waves. You are not alone and you will not drown. Wish I could sit with you... so I send my love and a huge hug through this screen.

    1. I wish you could sit with me as well. Next time I am back home in Washington for a visit I will make sure that we can meet face to face.

  3. May you find peace and healing in your very hard goodbyes. Visiting from IP. Hurting with you hoping for you, peace.

    1. Thank you for stopping by Elizabeth. Hope, peace, and sadness, they all come in waves these days.

  4. Karmen,

    It's nice to meet you. I am so sorry for your hard goodbyes. I have had some of those myself over the years and they ache, and need to be grieved, processed, like you are doing.... Not fun though. Sorry, girl.

    I'm curious to hear more too though and may just have to check out those bandaid stories too. :)

    Jennifer Dougan

    1. Thank you Jennifer for stopping by. I appreciate your interest in the bandaid blogs. You are right this goodbye stuff is absolutely NO fun.


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