What a Day of Rejoicing That Will Be

Room full of women, all hearts and kindness, praising and worshiping God and I felt it.  

I felt what Heaven is going to feel like.  It is going to feel like love, love incarnate sitting next to me, just loving me and I could hardly stay standing for the realization of it.  Close my eyes, breathe in deep, let the tears escape past the eyelids.  I was standing in love and on Holy ground and it was overwhelming and amazing.

As worship was over and we sat down I felt surrounded and filled by the hope and promise of who God made me to be.  It was like God was saying, "This is who I made you to be, do you feel it, little one?  Go and be all I made you to be."  

In a room full of love and acceptance being who God made you to be feels possible.  It is like a big Ole "OOHRAH" of Jesus's love and grace and you just feel empowered.

Before worship started I read a verse that had been placed on our table.  It said, "GOD holds me head and shoulders above ALL who try to pull me down.  I'm headed for HIS place to offer anthems of praise that will raise the roof!"  Psalm 27:6 MSG 

Before we started singing I had written that verse down and started doodling an image of a father lifting up his daughter into the air, her arms stretched out onto the paper table liners. 

After we sat back down I was a woman on a mission.  I colored in the Dad and daughter, then I just kept adding more and more to it.  I would think I was done, but then a voice said, "Keep going." So I did.  Then when I thought I was done, He said, "Add more."  So I wrote words into the sand.  "These words are for somebody, baby, so listen well."

Okay, now I am finished with it.  "Nope. See that sun, it needs a verse.  Look up on google for a verse about light. and see the water, you need one there too, might as well get both sides.  And see that sky, do one there. This is going to be good."  

Okay, now I am done. This feels good.

"Hey, baby, why don't you put a verse on the girl about being God's child and one on the Dad about how I am the Father."  

Okay, okay, I can do that. Now I am done, right?

"You are so cute! Add a little baby turtle climbing into the water in that corner, just so it will all tie into the message I had Karmen give this weekend......Alright! Now it is done.  Thanks, baby girl."

And then I walked away from it and just let it be after the lesson.

A little later a woman came up to me and asked if she could have that drawing.  She told me those were all the verses that she has been given over the last few weeks to help her through a rough patch. God works in such amazing and mysterious ways.  He empowered me and then used me to reach someone else.  It was not about my talent, it was just a crayon drawing after all, but it was about His speaking into our hearts and us listening.  He used a 40 year old stay at home Mom to reach a woman I had never met and He did it through crayons and a Google search.  (God uses Google, let that one soak in for a minute!)

It is miraculous what God can do in the hearts of us and others when we come together in love with open arms for each other and for Him.  That is church.  When we just lavish each other in acceptance and grace and welcome, God can work through that and it is a small glimpse of what Heaven will be like.  

Oh what a day of rejoicing that will be.

Ladies of Christian Fellowship Church in Columbus, Ohio, you are doing it right! Thank you.

1. Sing the wondrous love of Jesus; 
sing his mercy and his grace. 
In the mansions bright and blessed 
he'll prepare for us a place. 

Refrain: 
When we all get to heaven, 
what a day of rejoicing that will be! 
When we all see Jesus, 
we'll sing and shout the victory! 

2. While we walk the pilgrim pathway, 
clouds will overspread the sky; 
but when traveling days are over, 
not a shadow, not a sigh. 
(Refrain) 

3. Let us then be true and faithful, 
trusting, serving every day; 
just one glimpse of him in glory 
will the toils of life repay. 
(Refrain) 

4. Onward to the prize before us! 
Soon his beauty we'll behold; 
soon the pearly gates will open; 
we shall tread the streets of gold. 
(Refrain) 

Five Minute Friday: Still

*I never time myself for five minute Fridays.  I let the word lead me for however long it leads.*

I find that even with all the strides I have taken this year and how far I have come from where I was I am STILL me.  I STILL have the same under lying issues that I have always had.  I STILL struggle.

Some days, months, seasons even I struggle more than others.  This is that season.  The season when I have to push down even harder on all the things that try and push their way out of me.  All the unknown memories that tease me from the shadows.  The little girl trying to be heard, seen, remembered from behind her prison.  The little girl that has me clinging tight to a teddy bear at night.  

I push down hard on what is pushing up and burrow deeper into blankets and solitude.  Shutting myself off even when surrounded by people.  Closing in.  Walling off.

And the anger is there.  Anger at me. Anger at them (whoever the them is who feels too close to my walls, or let me down, or who makes for a good distraction from all the pushing that is going on inside.)  I don't lash out at most of them I just let it all reverberate inside of me.  Most of the time because I know the anger is petty and more of a me issue than a them issue.  

I STILL do all of this, but I am getting better at knowing and recognizing it.  Seeing it for what it is and acknowledging it.  I am also better at not completely hiding away from the world.  I am planning, and hosting, and not shaming myself for the internal pushing. 

I am working on showing up even when I want to hide away.  I am giving myself grace for when I can't force myself to show up.  I am working on giving others grace for their lack of understanding, and grace for the fact that some things could solely be my perception and not the reality.

I am STILL a work in progress.  Still working, still progressing.  

Still hurting, still wounded, still healing, still learning.

"Be still and know that I am God"

Psalm 46:10

I will sit in stillness and also IN my "STILL-ness" and know that God is God.  He has me in all of my stillness, no matter which meaning of still that I mean.  And I will let Him reign over it all.

Five Minute Friday: Encouragement

I wrote this today in response to my friend's blog post in her comments section.  It just spilled out of me.  I share it with you, because as much as it was for her it is also for you.  The you who wonders why you bother to write.  The you who is knee deep in mess and hurt or maybe even so deep in it that you feel as though you are drowning and the mess and the hurt is gurgling up inside of your throat.  The you whose life is going well and good and you share from that space of joy and happiness.  The you who isn't sure that what you write really means all that much.  It is for all of you, because all of you have a story.  All of us have a story.  Sharing your story makes my life better.

In response to Why Words Matter 

I have been pondering the why a lot as well. My why is because the words need spilling. I fill and I fill and they need a place to empty out to. It is also to know I am not alone and to let others know the same. It is one thing to tell the story of from here to there tied up neatly in a bow, but it is quite another to tell the story of the getting to the there; the being in the midst of it deep and never fully knowing if there is even a place, but hoping that it is and that you will find it.

It is a deep bravery I think to tell this story, because it is now and in the moment. It is an opening of all that is raw and holy and messy and sinful and pouring it out like an offering upon an alter. Your writing is a place where other cave dwellers can meet for community around the bon fire of your words and find acceptance and grace and to say "Yes, somewhere, someday we will come to the mouth of the cave and find the light shining beautiful into our blinking eyes."

It is a place where those outside the cave can say "We are out here and we will wait for you, it exists, this there is real and when you make it we will rejoice along with you for the journey."

Oh friend how I love you and your words and your blinking in the light of there and for the days of caves and darkness and for being a bon fire for others like me to warm ourselves around.

You are cherished friend.


Keep sharing your words fellow bloggers.  Keep being a warm fire for others of us to warm ourselves with.  If you are in a cave of depression, shame, loneliness, anger, hurt, or any other hard thing, keep sharing.  If you are outside the cave taking in the wonders of light keep on sharing.  All of your words, all of your stories, they encourage me. 

Joining in for FIVE MINUTE FRIDAY

On Being Brave

On being brave and speaking out
There will always be people who will judge and condemn and not hear the hurt behind the bravery or who will look to add shame to the already shamed. Those people might hear the words, but they are deaf to the cries from the heart of the one being brave. Those people will always exist. They are the ones who keep people from bravery, from being able to share. But there are others too. They are the ones who desperately need to hear those heart cries of the brave, so that their own heart might be able to cry out with them and in the process both can begin to heal. And then there are those whose hearts don’t necessarily cry in the same way as the brave ones, but they need to hear those words so that they might understand and help other crying hearts heal.It is for those who cry and for those who need to understand that we should be brave; that I should be brave. Give me grace Lord to still love the ones who judge and condemn and give me the strength to not live in their condemnation.