Five Minute Friday: Dare

*I never time myself for Five Minute Friday. 

 I take the word and run with it where it leads for however long it leads me.*

Dare

I dare you.

I dare you to be brave.

To hold your head up high and wear your bravery like a cape.

Be the hero in your story;

The one who stands up and says,

 "NO MORE!"

To all the voices that try and keep you down.

Wrap that bravery cape around you tight.

Keep the cold winds of "less than" and the spitting rains of "unworthy"

From hurting you any longer.

All you have to do is

STAND UP!

Stand up and fight.

I know that you can do it.

You are braver than you think and stronger than you know.

I dare you to be brave.

I dare you.

I will make you beautiful; the makings of a masterpiece

If Jesus told you a love story what would He say? What would you want Him to say?

I was tasked with writing a love letter to Jesus this weekend. I found that really hard. Probably harder than it should have been. In fact this last weekend was just hard in general. I have been struggling since. I asked to see one of our Pastors today because I was struggling living in the hard of it all. I think I went there looking for a hero to save me from my hard. Of course I didn't find one. I left wondering what I had been expecting to happen at that meeting. It wasn't a bad meeting, please don't get me wrong, it just wasn't the "rescue" I was looking for. Since I left I have been asking myself what it is I think I need, what is it I am wanting to hear?

I was reading some blogs that were linked up with my last post. I noticed that quite a few of them had parts of their blogs where they wrote as if Jesus was speaking to them, to their hearts. It made me wonder, what is it that Jesus would say to me.  Obviously these words are my own, but I have no doubt that He was the one writing them on my heart.

*I am lying under the covers, surrounded by blankets and pillows; it is my own downy fortress of protection. Jesus comes and sits next to me. I turn away from Him and curl into myself. He just scoots closer and rubs the hair away from my forehead as He speaks in a soft whisper*

I know you are mad at me. I know how people have suggested that when you remember your hurts happening that you should envision me there with you and I know how the thought of me standing there watching makes the pain of it even worse. You want to know how I could just stand there and watch and not stop it.

I know that part of you thinks that because I didn't stop it that I created you for this, but I didn't. I didn't create you to be a rag to mop up man's desires, nor did I create you to be invisible and broken. I created you to be beautiful, a masterpiece. Man tried to destroy my handiwork, but baby what he doesn't know and what you have forgotten is that I am taking those pieces and I am going to make the most beautiful stained glass work of art you have ever seen. It feels slow and those shards feel sharp, but that is because I am taking my time to fit all the pieces in just right. You are going to be the sparkliest stained glass this world has ever seen and art like that is worth waiting for.

*He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and leans in close*

I know you are frustrated and scared. I know this weekend brought up hurts you thought had finished hurting. I also know it brought up much fear, because it loosed up hazy realizations of memories you don't want to remember, things you don't want to know. You are so afraid of finding out what has been hiding behind that door with all its scratching noises, but I am bigger than that door, baby, and anything that lies behind it.

You curse your mind for all the barriers and safeguards it has put in place over the years. Don't curse them. They have kept you going until you were ready to break them down and until I could bring you the people to help you do it, but your going to have to learn to let them in. Let Me in.

You fear it will prove too risky and that they will just let you down, leave you hurting, leave you tending to tender wounds all on your own. Trust in my timing, trust in My people. I am putting you in their hands because I know that they won't let you fall. Allow them to hold you. Tell them what it is you need.

I made you a promise 13 years ago that your heart would be healed here in Groton and I moved heaven and earth to get you back here for your healing, so please don't let fear stop you from getting it. Tell my people what it is you need, I will help them to listen.

It is okay to be weak small one. It is okay to be vulnerable. You have tried to be strong all on your own for far too long.

*He takes my hand and I pull it up to my heart as He sings soft and low the words

Beautiful, Beautiful I made you beautiful and I will make beautiful things of your life.

Carefully touching you, causing your eyes to see, yes I will make beautiful things of your life.*

Trust me dear heart, trust me.

Five Minute Friday: Hero

The theme of needing/wanting a hero has come up in my words before.  More than once even.  I have been on a search for a hero my whole life, but I have begun to realize that the elusive hero isn't going to come.

I am heading off to a women's retreat with my church this weekend.  To tell you the truth, a big part of me wishes that I weren't.  I have been fighting myself about going since they began talking about it.  It is not your  typical retreat, they call it Encounter.  We are going to encounter God.  There are actually quite a few rules attached with going.  Rules that make this rebellious heart want to break them all.  I haven't even left yet and I already feel fenced in, corralled. 


On Wednesday night we had a pre-retreat meeting to discuss what to bring, what not to bring, and what to expect.  My group leader talked about how if we are open to Him we will grow so close with God this weekend.  Can I tell you how much I wanted to run right then.  Intimacy with God, should be every Christian's dream right?  Nope, not me.  Not even with God. 

I mock myself a little about this, because hello! this is God we are talking about Karmen.  He already knows every intimate detail that there is to know about me, He is not the one who is going to be learning anything new.   Since I knew this, I know it is not God knowing me that I fear as much as it is knowing what it will unlock inside of me.

Our group leader spoke of how as we go through life we pick up rocks and garbage along the way that we shove in our packs as we go.  This weekend she said is designed to help us unpack a lot of that stuff. 

Part of me wants that more than you can imagine, but another part of me is very afraid of holding those rocks in my hand.  There is a well spring of anger attached to those rocks and I think if I pick them up that I am just as likely as not to start hurtling those rocks at God like a child throwing a temper tantrum and there is no telling who or what might get caught in the cross fire.

You are probably wondering what all of this has to do with "Hero".  I don't know, other than maybe I am still looking for one.