Running With Eyes Wide Shut

And I ran, I ran with my eyes wide shut.  Shutting out the truth, opening wide for the wanted.  And I ran hard and fast.  Looking for something that wasn't there.  Hoping to find what I thought I needed.  My eyes wide shut.  I stood up and I ran down the path of the prodigal.  Running fast, not looking back.  Not wanting to hear the calls of the One who loves. 

I am angry and so I run.  I am angry with who I am, who I have become, who I have been made to be, how I was used, how it was allowed, how I hurt.  I am angry with God, life, myself, the world, the pain, the numbness and so I run.  Feet pounding, heart racing, feeling alive and wanting to die all mixed up with the sweat of my brow. 

I run so fast, so far, pounding the ground with my feet, leaving footprints where I trod.  "Who am I?" I cry with eyes wide shut.  I run looking for answers, looking for freedom, looking for something to make me stop.  To make everything stop.  I run until I am lost.  Lost deep in the nothingness of what is and what was.  It is all nothing and for nothing, and I have become nothing.